I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
