Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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