I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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