Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
