What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize