how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize