i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
