so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
