I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
