Need sex. Gaining weight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize