i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
