so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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