the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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