i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
