You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
