I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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