Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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