I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
