I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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