i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
