woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
