i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
