i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
