just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
