She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize