my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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