we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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