I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
