There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
