ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
