need another drink. this is the easiest way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm like, not good at living.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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