I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize