You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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