Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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