I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
