no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
