I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
