Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize