my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
