While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
