so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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