Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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