ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
