people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
