Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
