Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
