the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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