Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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