Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize