I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
