By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
