thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
third nipple confirmed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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