This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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