lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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