I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
