I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
