I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
