We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
