i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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