I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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