Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize