In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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