she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
