I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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