Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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