They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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