the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
