Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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