a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
