; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
