i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
