I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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