i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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