When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
