Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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