Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
