So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She bit a glass in half.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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