i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
