Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you never un-have a 4some
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
