I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
