as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
