Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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