evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
