hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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