Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think my vagina is haunted
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
