Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize