it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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