do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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