my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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