Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
