im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Four minutes until I can fart!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
