i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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