No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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