it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
