When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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