I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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