I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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